Sex, Love and Marriage

My wife and I have occasionally talked about wanting to teach a course on marriage to young people about to pledge their lives to one another since sex, love and marriage are so essential to life and health. In fact, my wife takes great pleasure in family counseling of couples and children. Since I’m the writer I thought I would share some of the ideas that have helped us enjoy 46 years of marriage together.

First things first. You are a spirit and you have a body. In the same way that you as a person have a car. So, you occasionally feel more ideas or desires that conflict. This is the human condition.

Sex is mostly about the body, but when exalted or utterly degraded sex is being strongly influenced by the spirit. Sex is an important part of life for most people, but sex alone is not enough to build a relationship lasting years.

“Love” has many different meanings from caring through infatuation all the way to stalking. However, running through almost all of them is the idea that the happiness, joy, health and welfare of the object, idea or person loved is felt to be even more important than the happiness, joy, health and welfare of yourself.

Notice, the above definition does not specify the length of time for that love. “I’ll love you/it forever” and “I don’t love you/it anymore” are both valid statements. Each of those statements merely adds a different duration to that love.

Love can be combined with sex or not. Sex can be accompanied by love or not. Since love tends to make you feel wonderful and larger than yourself, sex accompanied by love is much more pleasurable.

Can a person learn to love another? Certainly, members of a military combat troop learn to love one another through training and shared challenges. Cultures with arranged marriages work because the partners learn to love one another over time.

Marriage always includes the idea of duration, usually a lifetime. and usually also includes love and sex. However, there are arranged marriages that do not include love or sex. The absolutely essential ingredients to a marriage are agreements, such as to stay together or to share finances or raise children. These agreements are either clearly stated and understood or presumed. Presumed agreements can cause a lot of trouble in a marriage.

You may think these ideas brilliant or foolish, but I hope they will encourage you to examine your own ideas and share them with those people who are important to you. If you do, you might find yourself better for it.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

LaFleure August 29, 2016 at 3:53 am

Hello, I just read your article and I was certainly surprised of the different aspects of love you wrote about, as I have been for the last forever speaking to people of my own issue with the fact that love can be so many things to include or not to include sex, I enjoy a great love with another without sex, as my basis for love is more about being fulfilled with the or everlasting love which is built on a solid foundation, and while I know sex is very important to love for most people I still feel that no matter the sex you share with another if never keeps the relationship. I have just gotten married and have been in a relationship with my partner for 3years without sex and have now been married a bit over 2months and have not quite yet consumated the marriage. still feel as though am not ready for that next step


Joe Garcia August 29, 2016 at 8:48 pm

Awesome insights Peter.


Peter Glickman August 30, 2016 at 10:30 am

Thanks, Joe. That means a lot coming from you.


Alan Graham September 5, 2016 at 11:16 am

Well said, Peter. Never occurred to me that people in an arranged marriage would learn to love each other, but as you said, those cultures have worked.


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